Mad Hatters Tea Parties

I was inspecting an Edwardian terrace house in St. Leonards being converted into four flats. A stack of cupboards that projected awkwardly into each kitchen puzzled me. The bottom cupboard was about 4 foot high with two upper cupboards, one above the other, reaching to the ceiling.
The architect responsible for the conversion was showing me around. I commented that the broom cupboards seemed to dominate the kitchens.
‘Broom cupboards?’ echoed the architect, ‘no - oh I see what you mean – no they’re not broom cupboards – the ones at the bottom are to house the wheelie bins and the ones above are for the recycling boxes’. ‘You’re kidding! Who wants a fortnight’s food waste in their kitchen or a stepladder to recycle a plastic bottle?’ ‘My own feelings entirely,’ said the architect, ‘and then there is the problem of getting the wheelie down 3 flights of stairs when it is full – I’ve argued with the planners until I’m blue in the face.’ ‘They admit that it is not practical, a potential health hazard and unlikely to be used, but they just quote the rules which require each flat to have storage for a wheelie and recycling boxes.’ ‘Because these houses are terraced with no front gardens, the council would have refused planning permission if I had not agreed to the wheelies in the kitchens.’
In Eastbourne, I was asked to solve brown stains appearing on the face of chimneybreasts in a Victorian house that was being converted into flats. I immediately diagnosed damp in the flues that mixes with the sulphur and carbon residues from long past coal fires and is absorbed by the flue linings, drawn through the chimneybreast to evaporate in the dryer air within the rooms. The staining occurs when the moisture evaporates leaving the sulphur and carbon on the plaster surfaces.
The conversion had preserved the original open fireplaces. These should have been providing sufficient air circulation within the flues to keep them dry. Perhaps the chimney pots were still open to the sky – but no – a quick look outside showed that they had been fitted with ventilated caps. Back inside and shining a torch up the flue, I discovered a fresh looking plug of plastic foam.
This was the culprit. It blocked natural ventilation and, despite the chimney pots being capped, enough water was absorbed by the chimneystack to pass through to the linings. I asked the builder why he had blocked the flues. ‘New Building Regulations on sound proofing’ was his answer. Being a disbelieving soul, I checked with the council’s Building Control Officer. Sure enough, flues are regarded as ‘vertical sound ducts’ and if not in use, they must be blocked to stop sound transmission from one floor to another. ‘But what about the damp?’ I asked, ‘surely it’s better to be dry and suffer a bit of noise? Anyhow it is pointless as the old floors are by no means soundproof.’ ‘I know,’ replied the Building Control officer, ‘It doesn’t make sense but rules are rules.’
In Lamberhurst, a client asked me to seek a small change to an existing planning permission for a pair of houses. Having sent the drawings off with multiple copies of forms and the fee, I received a letter stating that the proposal could not be considered before an ecology assessment had been submitted. This involves a detailed examination of the site, recording all the fauna and flora to establish whether there is an endangered species present. It takes time and costs a lot of money.
I phoned the planning official, reminded her that my client already had a valid planning permission and could lawfully start digging up the site tomorrow regardless of what was growing or living there. The minor change that my client wanted was not going to vary the extent of site disturbance so what was the purpose of demanding a costly ecology assessment. ‘No purpose,’ was the reply, ‘but it is the rule.’
Our country will continue to be hog-tied until the public sector discovers initiative and pragmatism, and stops regarding the private sector as its enemy.
©July 2010

NOTE:
The writer is an independent chartered surveyor and has no connection with any firm of estate agents or surveyors. For reasons of client confidentiality he writes under a pseudonym. Comments and enquiries are welcome and may be sent c/o Wealden Advertiser Property, Gardens & Interiors.

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